Needs a Chorus November 18, 2010

Reaching across …

the milestones of  your heart’s past…

I feel your pain…

I know that game too well…

And baby it ain’t hard to tell, cuz I know…

I’ve been there too…

So give me your hand, and take that step

I won’t let you down…I assure you, I’ll always be around…

With God in my life, and you by my side…

I know, that everything will work out just fine.

We always hope for best, never one to settle for less

With you is where I needed to be this whole time…

I don’t know why…it took so long for to me to see

That with you is where I needed to be this whole time…

This whole tiiiiiiime!

.::Cholacoquetola::.

Caught Up In the Maze of Love November 18, 2010

From Slowly, Surely by Jill Scott

 

“Slowly…surely… I walk away from….”

 

Roll the dice; spin the spinner twice… I’m Sorry but I have no Clue on just what move in this Monopoly to pull . Your spirit and mine have intertwined, we just knew it would only be a matter of time.

 

 

“You said, I said, we said…but…”

 

The words escaped my lips, I wanted to run after them, run after you, run away from it all…

 

and your silence

 

was not missed.

 

“Self serving, undeserving, constantly hurting me love…”
Farewell to love… my friends are right, even what I think may be love, will never take…

flight.

“Slowly…surely… I walk away from it all…”

The Phone Call November 18, 2010

May God Bless Everyone Who Reads This.This Is For You Because I Call You: Friend.

I have received many phone calls these past couple of days; some full of foolishness, some of concern, and some filled with questions waiting to be answered.  But of above all of these phone calls dealing with my own personal life… there was one in particular that stands out… mostly because it ain’t about me at all.  (Well, I kind of hope that I minister to myself as well, because you see, when we go through tough times, the devil tries to discourage you from calling on God… well…in ya’ face Lucifer!)

This is for you, because I call you: friend.  I will never tell ANYone who this blog was about… mostly because I have been taught all my life not to trust, and it seems like every person (which has been like three people) I did trust –screwed me more times than a porn star could ever.  So… we must take the hurtles that life throws at us full force, and stand them upright before overcoming them.

Nena, he’s doing it again isn’t he?  He’s being the same insensitive prick that he was being the last time.  But your heart is good.  So you forgave him.  It probably wasn’t the first time, and it may not even be the last time… He’s giving you sorry excuse after sorry excuse as to why he isn’t being the man he first portrayed himself to be.

He is trying to make you think that its you who have the problem.  MOCKING you, TAUNTING you, BELITTLING you, yes it hurts right now, and you think, and your gut reaction is telling you, that the pain of being without him is going to kill you… and oh, baby girl, it will… but it will kill the spirit of indecisiveness in you.  It will kill the blindness that you have been suffering to his actions.  It will kill your emotions, but you have to THINK.  Seriously.

STOP and THINK.

You really do want the EMOTION to stop.  Because that’s what’s holding you back from leaving him.  You get so caught up in the emotions.  Yours & His.  A nasty little conglomerate, if you ask me.  You want to stop loving him– because you know it ain’t workin’ girl, but you are scared… scared of closing that door.   Where do you go after you do? Who’s out there in that unknown hallway?  When will there will be other doors that are open?  What if you go to one and it is locked?  What if one is cracked open, and you take that first step and venture forth, and the door shuts on you; rejecting you?

The question then, now becomes, who is the person mistreating you?  Is it him? Or is it you? (Deep)  Before you were even the twinkle in your mother’s eye on a cold winter’s night, God set out a plan for you.  It’s hard to believe… but we, you and I… yes… I am speaking from experience… but that’s about all I will tell you… we are our own WORST enemy.   I mean, I don’t know what his plan is for me completely and it would be blasphemous to say, and neither will you… but we can’t stop trying to get there, verdad?  We’ve got to STOP settling for less. When they do wrong, or we even suspect them of doing wrong, instead of letting them go, we try to love ‘em hard enough, long enough, cook their favorite meals, keep the house or other domestic things more kept up, give ‘em the best sexual pleasure– but oyeme,  it will never be enough.  Maybe he’s too young to understand what the kind of love we have to give means, maybe he is confused about where he needs to be.  Maybe he’s had bad experiences, maybe he’s with you until something better comes along… maybe, Maybe, MAYBE.

I dunno about you… but I’m all set y no tengo tiempo for all of the “veremos haber”.  Choose life.  Like, LIVING it, and not just sucumbing to it.  Because that’s what we do when we sell ourselves short.  We sucumb, every single time we choose to “be” with someone that isn’t part of our plan.  We are STRONG, independent Latinas, we don’t need some scram type dudes trying to supress us and our inner and outer beauty, tambien?  For guys its different… they get older they get more handsome… it works out that way for them… because they also get more mature… for us women es muy diferente… (now, I don’t want any guys coming up to me, and cursing me out… yes, you get hurt, but you look damn good still afterwards)

We women get the short end of the stick…  the older we get, the older we look.  If you spend all of your time on Bud the Spud, what good will you be when Judd the Stud comes hankering around?  The book of Genesis 3:16 says that as well… God says that a womans desire shall be for her husband, and BOY!  Do we start off young or what???  Everything is so centered around getting married, the perfect wedding, make sure you have a man that has this, and that and this… it’s crazy… oh, I am sure, that if it’s your DESIRE… and you trust in God, he will give it to you… in his own time, but most of the time, we see something we want, and don’t even ask God!  Like jumping into a pool, not knowing how to swim and saying “God, I hope I don’t drown!”

Don’t leave your life up to “luck”!  Leave it up to God.  You can take my advice or leave it, but I still love you regardless, otherwise I wouldn’t have taken another second to think about you and what you are going through.  Seriously!  I will leave you with one last thing…

Proverbs 4:23 simply states “Above all else… guard your heart.”I’m not telling you what to do mi chaparita, but I am asking you to do two things.

1) Guard Your Heart.

2) Think!

*besos*

.::Cholacoquetola::.

Con Permiso November 18, 2010

Con Permiso

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Con tu permiso…

I just wanted to let everyone know that I love you.  I wasn’t going to write that I love you all… I even deleted it a couple of times, but it was the only thing that sounded right…

LOVE is a very serious word.  Be mindful of who you love… guard your heart.  This is a very strong word, and so I hesitate to use it.  But I use it for you, you, and you, because I love you… with your permission of course.

I would never want to love you against your will, I would never ask you to keep holding on to something that just wasn’t there.  I know, I know… you’re probably like “where the HECK is she going with this”… but I promise you that although I don’t know what I’m talking about, I do know what I’m talking about… and if that makes sense to you, well then, that’s why I love you.

If you are Latino or an aspiring one, you must watch The Perez Family… it is such a good movie.  You will be touched… maybe I am in this mood because it is raining, and I am alone watching movies like Memoirs of a Geisha… which I am about to leave ya’ll for, but hey… I asked God for this time to myself… so I won’t complain…

I’m just going to let him continue to work in me…

I think I like the sound of that…

Signing Off…

 

.::Cholacoquetola::.

La Poema Sobre Mi Herencia… November 18, 2010

Multicultural
I am Black and Proud on the inside

My skin is Mexican and Indian clay molding my body structure on the outside.

Multicultural am I.

I listen to rap, rock, r&b, dance, new world, indie, techno, hip-hop, miles, miss church, and of course all things uptempo.

German & Italian shoots crawl up my African and Aztec roots like ivy,

Must I be ashamed?

No I need not be, for it is what my rich heritage breeds: ME

I belong to the big-boned society where food is the stereotyped notariety

Not true-so call it what you know and not what you see, because my beauty – my beauty surpasses skin deep.

I am a member of the Latin Society

where dance is all types of variety

Multicultural am I, am I, I am.

I read meticulously- should be a member of the honor society, but try as I might, I`ll never qualify.

Because where I live, color is skin deep and they score and scour me-But

I will prevail-for I am what these rich roots breed: ME

I`m so alive- so alive

Because of my multi and my culturally

I survive.

Signing Off…

.::Cholacoquetola::.

A Godly Moment from Brian C’s Blog… November 18, 2010

“Look….with all due respect your Honor..You could have mentioned that my life was going through this..You could have sent me a note, a memo, an email, a postcard..a sticker, a stick up, a something, that would have indicated to me that I was going to hit this big lump on the road and that everything in my life is going to go crazy.” - DiDi dies laughing… tru dat, tru dat… mmmph.

You could have mentioned to me that the person I love would leave me for another person… - DiDi instantly sobers up… maybe I’m longin’ for it more than I should be expecting… and then it goes right back to me learning that lesson and obedience… how about letting it be about God’s way, and not because, DiDi said so.

ooooh… I think I hit a nerve. Your last statement, that was simply and well put.  I don’t think that this POINT in my life, is the end all and be all of my life, so why do I act as if it is?  Pastor Collins talks about how we should be glad that God got a hold of us first, cuz if he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t be still trying to catch your attention after all the years of us doing wrong…, and I wholeheartedly agree with that… there is a reason why I am in the church that I am in, there is a reason, I am in the midst of the God-fearing people that I am surrounded by now.  God has a plan for me, and I think it over-extends and TRANSCENDS… (oh. you didn’t know?) what may be going on today… that’s why people will constantly bring drama my way… I think that it’s really how I go about dealing with it is what God is trying to teach me.  Like, I thought about just UP and QUITTING my job–without having another one lined-up, because I was soooo frustrated, I found myself saying “Lord, I need more structure at the workplace.” and he was like “You know very well that at your last job, you had a lot of structure there too… what are you doing about the person that’s making your life miserable @ work? You are feeding into it…” and I think that spills over into other areas of my life… but that’s to be continued in my own blogs…lol… I’m telling you man… that total, divine, about-face-change, ain’t no joke meng, but i’m just glad that he’s working in me…

um… sorry… bringing it back to your blog… Matthew 11:2-6, focus on verse 3… when he asks Jesus if he’s THE ONE, or should the people be expecting someone else… John & Jesus was homies… and because of our human nature and expectations…mmm  I mean, I guess any one of us, would have done what John did… “Hey Jesus, lemme talk to you for a second?  Ok, so like, I had ya’ back, and I was preaching against Herod, and now… I’m in dis’ hea’ cell, and I don’t see the end of all this suffer’n and freedom of sin like I thought was gonna see.  && do you know what Jesus said?  Hmmph.. someone please pass me an ice cold pepsi… Jesus says: “Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”  To tell you the truth, I didn’t understand what my Lord meant, by that fall away stuff… I mean, what was he saying?  I was going to save it for my own blog, but I think by God’s grace and only for his glory, I will share it here, I think a lot more people will read your blogs.

(I had to copy this from the book!)

In The Secret Place by Peggy Britt

she says of this scripture (Matt. 11:6) …

“Jesus’s message was loud and clear: “I am the Messiah! I am fulfilling Old Testament prophecies about the coming Messiah in the presence of your disciples and mainly others (Isaiah 53:5-6) Don’t become discouraged because I’m not doing what YOU expect me to do.”

I like her because she BREAKS IT DOWWWWWWWN even more by saying : To be “blessed” means to possess the divine favor of God — that state of being marked by fullness from God, soul contentment!

And “falling away” comes from the Greek word from which we get our word, scandalize. It means to stumble, to become offended by someone, to take offense at his character, words, conduct, to become unsettled, so as to reject him.

How often do we do that? We pray and ask God for a particular thing. When HE doesn’t answer in OUR time frame or as we would like HIM to, we get “offended” and become discouraged and unsettled in our spirit. But God has an eternal plan, and HE is working it out for our good and His Glory!

Where are you right now precious friend? Are you discouraged? Are you unsettled in your spirit? Have you been praying for something that God has not given to you? Have your circumstances become worse — instead of better? God has the same words for you. You are blessed (divinely favored) if you do not take offense at God’s character, words, or conduct. It may not seem like it just now, but difficult circumstances are opportunities to walk by faith, take God at His Word, and give HIM pleasure. (Hebrews 11:6)

.::Cholacoquetola::.

ABC’s of Life November 18, 2010

I have been working on this for three days… and this is my guide to living life more effectively… REAL TALK

A= Absolve yourself right now from thinking you ever did anything wrong.

B= Barter not your soul for the world’s sake. Let the world forsake you.

C= Care for others as you’d want someone to care for you no matter the cost.

D= Drama can and will only get as big as you allow it.

E= Everything isn’t relative. Einstein opposed, but Jesus Christ brought TRUTH.

F= Forgive others for past transgressions… it would mean so much to me. :OP

G= Go with what you know… and with what you don’t God will lead the way.

H= Happiness truely is seldom found outside of His perfect will.

I= Invest in yourself and do so richly.

J= Jesus Christ died for you to understand what true love meant.

K= Kindness. I’ve been killing people with it since 1984.

L= Leave love alone. It’ll become bored with solitude and come looking for you.

M= Mind over matter most times. Other times I undermind my matter.

N= Never renege on your word. Your word is your worth.

O= Oppressed persons suffer from too much time on their hands.

P= Persecution comes in many forms… being in love the worst of them.

Q= Quit after you’ve passed the finish line.

R= Reserve your anger for important issues. Breaking a nail doesn’t classify.

S= Strength will get you through perilous times. Eat lots of spinach.

T= Too much Passoa + water from a foreign country will make you puke.

U= Utilize your God given gifts. If you don’t know what they are… find them.

V= Vocalize your thoughts often. Don’t constantly hold things in.

W= Write them down if you feel that talking is too personal.

X= Xenophobia free is the only way to be. Get well soon.

Y= You are your own worst enemy. Stop fighting yourself and go with the flow.

Z= Zeez iz zomething that I have been working on for zometime now…

 

Love unconditionally as God loves you.

Signing Off

.::Cholacoquetola::.

Soy Tu Amiga? November 18, 2010

Soy tu amiga?

“El que perdona la ofensa cultiva el amor;
el que insiste en la ofensa divide a los amigos.” -Proverbs 17:9

Myspace was amazing, but not as wonderful as Facebook, of course

Recently, I’ve reconnected with three women (my goodness, how our gardens have grown!) who were and are still, the epitome of what a friend should be.  These women have definitely made a positive impact on my life.  I just spent the best five hours of my summer with two of them on Friday watching a movie on the state of Black and minority women in the church and in the world… I’m sayin’ ladies, can we finish it?

XD

Hanging out with them was a refreshing thing, besides the fact that I died and came back to life when saw a picture of myself that made my current self look like Swamp Thing!  How I long to be that size again! – Getting there.

But chillin’ with them also made me reflect as I was divulging in some much needed downtime today.  What makes a real friend?  Does my (in most cases) purposeful absence in their lives say something about me and my character?  I figure friendships are the same as relationships; in the sense that they aren’t supposed to be forced.  There is supposed to be a natural ebb and flow to any kind of relationship.  It is my honest opinion that all this jibber-jabber about trial and adversity making a relationship stronger is hogwash.  Define trial and adversity please.  I know that most people won’t, so I took certain liberties.

X D

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word trial in the sense that I am using it as: a test of faith, patience, or stamina through subjection to suffering or temptation; broadly speaking : a source of vexation or annoyance

And the word tribulation is defined as: distress or suffering resulting from oppression or persecution; also: a trying experience

Me & Bessie Lee were best buds in 7th grade… TOR Mr. Lewis, who strangely enough has a MySpace page as well..lol.  Bessie’s mom decided to uproot her to another state and another school, Bessie promised that she would write to me, and I was in total shock that I never received a letter.  I know that Lucifer, I mean William (my mother’s 1st husband) was the reason behind this now, but back then I didn’t know, and I was hurt.  Fast forward 13 years and here we are.  Lately, I’ve been wicked busy, and it’s NO EXCUSE, but I’m totally making a trip! Love ya tootz!

Chanelle & Geri were my ace boon coons in high school and really deserve their own paragraphs, but time and my mind would allow, because it’s 2:08 in the morning or maybe its because as they are always saying (Jamie, if you had have stayed at the Burke long enough…).  They’ve been wonderful to me, although I always pull a disappearing Jack Flash, and like I said…

it makes me wonder what kind of person I am?  What kind of impact do I leave on other people’s lives?  Do I expect too much of others?  I try not to expect anything out of anyone these days, I think its much easier that way.

“He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather
with me scatters.” -Luke 11:23

I’m sayin’ people… can we gather together? Mmmk? Thanks!

Signing Off…

.::Cholacoquetola::.

Sunglasses at Night… or Rather… Sunglasses When There Is No Sun :/ November 18, 2010

Sunglasses at Night… or Rather… Sunglasses When There’s No Sun.

So, two days ago, I was standing at Andrew Station on the Red Line, waiting for the Alewife train to take me to work.  The time was approximately 8:15 A.M. and it was a dark and dreary day.  So please tell me why this Puerto Rican chick, whose code name could have been Bonequisha Star, Esq.; comes trolling down the stairs with a whole outfit from:

Yes… boo, I see the feathers poofing out of your Lockerwear Bomber Jacket :

And to me… its quite a shame that you decided to break the 5th rule of stunt:

if you’re gonna wear shades when there is not an iota of sun, then please commence to doing so properly.  I thought about this very hard, because this bothered me enough to write about it… I realized, there will be more of you committing this same offense.  So please, break out the notebooks and TAKE NOTE!

1st – If your hair is all jacked up and you have walked out of the house thinking you’re cute… and more than one person looks at you like I looked at Bonequisha (like WTF@&!)… then you need to turn your nappy-headed tail right back around and figure out some options.  But like I said I’m here to help you.  Exhibit 1:

SMDH… anyhoo… Get in the shower and wash and condition your hair… because what you got going on now… well…that is just nasty!  Towel dry and then proceed to use a dollop of leave in moisturizer and then gel them edges… but make sure you work the gel through… otherwise you will look like a glazed pernil.  If that don’t work, which I’m guessing it won’t, cuz you is something like a hustler on Geneva Ave… you need work…

Gorl! You needs to get you some TCB or some Just for ME!  Put a headscarf on that mop and catch the number 15 bus from Dudley Station in Roxbury to 533 Dudley St.  Talk to Margarita or Palma and while you is at it… get you una tratamiento! RAPIDO!  If worse comes to worse crop it close to the head and act like you Halle Berry or Toni Braxton… girl don’t cry, its just another sad love song.

White girls… ya’ll are not exempt… I be yelling at Sarah Nee for this BullS**t all the time too… how you gonna have all this long hair and not do anything with it? Heifers.  Shoot if I was you, Alicia Keys wouldn’t have nothing on me, I’d have dudes fa-all-all-alllling in love with me.

Okay, okay… so I’mma leave the girls outfit and hair out of it… because you know we all have bad hair days… and shoot, there be some cute shirts at Tello’s.  But omGOODNESS… her lips!  Big gurls! Listen to me okay, and listen to me really good… I know that we be messing up our lips by eating a lot, but take care of ‘em baby, they iz the only lips you iz ever gonna have… how you gonna catch a man with lips that looked like a cracked pleather belt?

So…. products you need to have:

MAC’s Lip Hydrator, used by its self…frikken great

Hahahahaha…. They don’t make this anymore, but don’t you wish they did? Its called Algorithm and its a really sexy gloss… its poppin’.

And for those of you who only deal with the grown and sexy…

Lustreglass in Love Nectar…

I don’t want to catch to many more of you committing these heinous acts.

Beauty is Heavier Than Weight November 18, 2010

As a big girl myself, I have experienced first hand what I’d like to call “BGID” – Big Girl In Distress disease.

I think that a lot of women have at one point or another gone through exactly what I am describing.

Being labeled “fat”, “plus sized”, “big boned”, and “thickness”, are all astigmatisms we must lay down at the scale and walk away from.

Let me tell you something about me: I am fucking fabulous.  And I am tired of defining and defending my intellect, my wit, my beauty, my personality, whatever could possibly define me… just so other people can feel comfortable with the fact that I AM BIG! I feel sexy most of the time. Many people would even call me conceited.  I don’t have to explain myself to anyone about why I feel the way I feel about myself.

It truly amazes me the extremes that people go through just to break me. Like there is some personal vendetta out against me, because I am over 145lbs at my height.  Fuck a hater. The thing about it is, the pain people inflict on me just makes me go harder and stronger.  You wanna break me?  Keep trying.  My mother always said play with fire and you’ll get burned.

I know why females are the worst of the sort when it comes to despising DiDi Delgado, jealousy is a gene that is dominant in most women when it comes to a member of the same sex.  But when a guy starts to feel like he’s done you a favor by “associating himself with you in the first place”:, it irks me all the more.  Dick comes a dime a dozen. This especially goes out to a very good friend of mine, who I get upset with all the time, because she deals with all of this dude’s bull-crap.  However, I have found that the reason why I get so upset is because her weakness for love, is so very borderline to mine.

Why do we put ourselves through this intermittent turmoil on a constant basis just to prove to some woman’s son, that he’s worth it.  Fuck him!  Don’t forget that YOU are worth it too.  And women, small and large alike all go through this, but it makes me so upset when we go through it, because being my size seems to be in the equivalency of being racially profiled – its a handicap to be fat.  Do I make choices every day?  YES.  But do I choose to be fat?  I think not.  No matter what amount of dieting I do, I have never lost more than 45 lbs… and to be “accepted” in today’s society, I’d have to lose 145lbs.  And since that is impossible on both my budget and my will power, I say accept me as I am, or keep on walking until you fall.

REAL TALK™

Because I’m not going to change drastically, I am human, I have error in my ways.  I’ll lose some this year, I’ll gain some next, but one thing I will only gain upon is my self respect.  If there is even a thought, that I would lose it for some ill begotten relationship, for some fake friend, then I might as well stop breathing because that will be the end of me.

Signing off…

.::Cholacoquetola::.